Remembering with love at Light Up a Life

Summary

Our annual Light Up a Life events near Christmas are a precious time to come together and remember loved ones who spent time in our hospices. We have events at both Martlets and sister hospice St Barnabas House. Sara, who attends every year, explains why.

My mum, Jane, was an incredible woman. She devoted her life to looking after others, always putting their needs before her own.

She was a nurse – first in the army, then at Worthing and Swandean hospitals, and later in the community; she gave absolutely everything of herself to her patients.

So when Mum became terminally ill with a brain tumour and went into St Barnabas House, it meant so much that someone was finally looking after her.

I will never forget the kindness we were shown during the month she was there. Every single member of staff – the doctors, nurses, care assistants, cleaners, receptionist, everyone – was warm, kind and genuine.

There was always time for another conversation, another cup of tea, another hug. There was always space for grief. It was a place where everything slowed down and the most important thing was simply being together as a family.

 

In it together

Just five months after her diagnosis, Mum died in November 2021, and the following month I went to my first Light Up a Life service. I was an absolute mess but I needed to go.

Seeing Mum’s name made me emotional, but seeing staff doing the readings, amazing people who’d cared for Mum, made me feel really close to her again too. I’ve been going to Light Up a Life every year since.

The event itself is incredibly special. There’s so much thought put into the readings, the songs and the chaplain’s words. Everyone arrives carrying their own story, their own memories and their own loss. And yet, for that short time, we’re in it together.

We all have that connection to the hospice, that understanding of what we’ve been through. Staying part of that community has really helped me with my grief.

Remember that you’re allowed to make decisions based on what you need, rather than what others expect. You can say ‘no’ – or you can attend for a short time. It can be helpful to arrange your own transport so that you can leave when you need to.

A place to remember and reconnect

The hospice didn’t just care for my mum.

My nan, who was my mum’s Mum, was 92 at the time when Mum was in the hospice, and those final days were incredibly difficult for her. She stayed with me at St Barnabas for the final two nights, and the staff made sure we were both comfortable. They looked after us as much as they looked after Mum.

Every Light up a Life now, I add my nan’s name too because she was very much part of those final days with Mum.

My son, Noah, who’s 11 now, comes to Light Up a Life too and always looks forward to seeing hospice staff.

He and Mum were incredibly close and, when she died, Noah immediately wanted to see Elaine (Patient and Family Support Team Lead for the adult hospices) and light some candles in the chapel with her. That moment meant so much to us.

Even now, when we see Elaine, there are always big hugs, like we’re part of a big family. Noah’s even done one of the 10k charity walks with ‘For my nanny’ on his back.

The hospice gave us something I’ll never be able to repay.

It gave Mum care, dignity and kindness. It gave us time.

And years later, through Light Up a Life, it gives us a place to remember her.

Every Christmas, when we see Mum’s name, for that little moment, she’s there again. And that means everything to me.

Book your free place at Light Up a Life

This year’s Light Up a Life event at Martlets will take place on Tuesday 15 December at 6.30pm. Join us and others from the Brighton and Hove community to remember a loved one.

Dedicate a heart by 4 December

You can dedicate a heart in memory of your loved one and see it on the windows at the hospice. Simply follow this link to make your dedication by 4 December.

Published 13.11.26