Rita, who is 95, volunteered for Martlets for 14 years in various roles, up until the age of 85. She shares the moving story that inspired her to volunteer after her husband died, and explains how supporting Martlets helped her through bereavement.
I came along to the recent Martlets Community Open Day as I wanted to share my happy memories of being a volunteer for the Hospice. It was lovely standing there in the sunshine outside the new building and having warm memories of my 14 years at Martlets.
In September of 2000, I lost my darling husband Bobby. Earlier that year, he had seen an ad in the local paper for Martlets as they were looking for volunteers. He said, “this would be absolutely wonderful for you, you love doing this sort of thing”. But I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do anything like that at that precise moment, because he was so poorly.
“Do you know what I’m going to do?” he said, “I’m going to tear this corner off with Martlets’ telephone number on and you can have it. Then when you’re ready you can call them”.
And I didn’t ever know what he did with that piece of paper, because at that moment in time I truly had many other things on my mind caring for him. I lost Bobby in the September and I don’t remember much about October; I was walking around my home with my family in an absolute dream. I wondered what had happened to my life; I just I couldn’t exist without him.
My daughter Deborah wanted me to go and stay with her, but if I did I thought I might not ever want to come back. Grief makes you go through all these strange little moments. And I was here on my own at the beginning of November and it was a dreadful, miserable, day and I suddenly started to cry. I thought, well, this is good, people say this is what you should do – let it out. I only had a crumpled tissue in my pocket so I went into the bedroom to find a hanky. Then I opened the drawer where all my husband’s hankies were and took one out. As I did so, this piece of paper fluttered to the ground. I picked it up and I realised it was that bit of paper he’d torn off with Martlets’ telephone number on it!
I was in such a state, I just went straight to the phone and rang them up, and the lovely lady who answered me was so kind. And I remember the words she said: “Mrs. K, you sound like a lady who’s in desperate need of help. Come and see us.” So I got myself together and drove straight over to Martlets. They were my absolute salvation at a very difficult time. The staff were so kind and caring – they trained me up to be a shop volunteer and eventually I was a manager at the Church Street shop in Brighton. A year later, I also began volunteering in Martlets’ Day Centre. So, I did two days in the shop and two days at the Hospice. Outpatients and their carers would come in to the Day Centre and we’d give them tea and do craft activities.
They used to say it was the highlight of their week and “thank you Rita, you’ll never know what you’ve done for me today”, and I used to think these darling people never knew what they had done for me. Being with them helped me so much to live again.
I also did a course with Martlets about how to talk to people who are bereaved and I became a bereavement befriender. People often get very frightened when they are dying and I used to go and get in my car of an evening and sit with people at Martlets that needed me. I could chat with them, but you lovely Martlets people taught me how to be a good listener too. So I’ve got an awful lot to thank you for.
It was interesting to see your new Hospice at the Open Day – it looks so different to the way I remember it. I’m pleased to know that local people will continue to be cared for with such love and compassion. Although I stopped volunteering for Martlets at the age of 85, I still think about my time there and those memories make me happy. I wake up in the morning and I think “oh, I’m still here, okay”. Then I think about what I can do today to make it meaningful. I just want to spend my days now being a kind and happy person and giving everything I can from my heart. I just think there are so many sad people and you must listen and be patient because everyone has got a story to tell you. Do what small things you can to make a difference, and make every moment count.
If you’re interested in volunteering for us like Rita did, please visit Volunteer with Martlets. Whether you can volunteer with us for a few hours once in a while, or do a regular shift, as part of #TeamMartlets you’ll play a crucial part in keeping your local hospice caring. Whatever your experience and skills, we’ll help you find a Martlets volunteer role that suits you.
Published 25/07/2024