Tom’s story – remembering Penny this winter

In July 2014, Penny was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer. It was a big shock as it came out of the blue. Neither of us had any experience with cancer and we had to react and adapt as things changed rapidly over the months that followed. Initially, we had thought Penny might survive it, but in October we were told the radiotherapy wasn’t working and the cancer was spreading. It was devastating to be told the cancer had become incurable. She was diagnosed in mid-July and we lost her in mid-December that year, so it all happened very quickly.

Penny had a lot of problems with her pain management as the cancer progressed and one of her doctors referred us to Martlets for specialist care. I’ve lived in Brighton since the early 2000s so I was aware of Martlets, but I didn’t really know anything about hospice care or what was involved. A room was available on the inpatient ward and Penny was admitted immediately. We were so grateful as I know that’s not the case for everyone who needs a hospice bed. She was an inpatient at Martlets for at least a month and she felt so safe and cared for. Previously she’d been in hospital and had been moved around a lot and it was so busy and noisy. But at Martlets she was so comfortable. It was the perfect place for her to be in those last weeks of her life.

Tom and Penny got married in the Sanctuary at Martlets in December 2014

Getting married at the hospice

 Penny was nine years older than me and had just turned 50. She was so beautiful and looked like she was in her thirties. We’d been together for 13 years, but had never married. We decided though, as the illness progressed, that it was important to us to get married. We’d thought about doing it while Penny was in hospital, but she was in too much pain. At Martlets though, once her pain was under control and she’d got a bit more settled, we decided to have the wedding there. The ceremony took place in the Sanctuary, the chapel space at Martlets, and the staff went out of their way to make it really special.

People have said to me since that it must’ve been horrific having to get married in a hospice under the shadow of Penny’s illness. But it was actually the most amazing day I’ve experienced in my life and it was the same for Penny as well.

We had our closest friends there and a simple ceremony and the room was just full of so much love. I’ve never felt anything like that before in my life – it was absolutely incredible. After months of bleakness, having a day together to do something so beautiful was wonderful. Looking at our wedding photographs now, Penny has got such a look of joy on her face, which is absolutely incredible given the circumstances.

We had the most amazing wedding, but then the next day it was back to the realities of treatment. Penny was due to start a course of chemotherapy at the Royal Marsden Hospital up in London, to try and prolong her life, and had been taken up there by ambulance. I met her at the hospital and she decided there and then that she didn’t want any more treatment. I think she’d just had enough and she didn’t want to have her body messed around with anymore. She was always very outgoing and fit and loved life, but she didn’t want to go through any more harsh treatment; it was too exhausting. So she was brought back to Martlets where they made her comfortable and she died a few days later. It was devastating, obviously, but Penny was such a brave and strong woman and she knew what she wanted. It was a lot to go through, to get married and have that fantastic time together and then to lose her within a few days. It took me a long time to recover from it. But Martlets were such a huge support.

Why I run marathons for Martlets

I felt very strongly that I wanted to give something back to Martlets as a thank you for all the care they’d given to Penny and to me. I’ve always enjoyed running and after Penny passed away I did the Brighton Marathon the following April to raise money for Martlets. I’d run marathons previously and I was trying to do it in under three hours but had never quite got there. The marathon I ran after Penny died was the first one that I managed in under three hours! It was a massive thing because I was running for Penny and for Martlets.

I was wearing the Martlets vest and the support on the run was incredible. It had been four months since I’d lost Penny so it was very emotional but it was absolutely amazing as well. I had lots of friends on the route who supported me and I raised a lot of money for Martlets.

December 2024 was 10 years since I lost Penny so I decided I wanted to run the London Marathon in 2025 in her memory, and to raise more money for Martlets.  I trained a lot but I’m not quite as fit as I was. It was a very hot day too which made it harder. I took the pace right down but still came in at three hours and nine minutes!

Tom with his medal for completing the London Marathon in 2025.

 Hospices are here for us, we need to be here for them

It’s heartbreaking to hear there’s a funding crisis in hospice care and that some hospices are having to close or to reduce the number of beds they can offer. Hospices are such an important part of the community and I didn’t realise that Martlets relies on community fundraising for almost 80% of its income.

Going through that experience with Penny was so eye-opening in understanding the depth of care and understanding hospices provide – not just to patients but to families too. Everyone we met at Martlets was so kind and they treated Penny like a human being, not just a patient.

I was offered counselling after Penny died and I had a few sessions that were very helpful, but it took me a long time to process what had happened because I’d never lost anyone close to me before. Running helped me through the grieving process and the year after losing Penny I met a new friend, Rachel, through running who’s now become my partner. Rachel has also had quite an intense experience at Martlets as two years before Penny died she lost her friend to cancer and Martlets took care of her. So she’s gone through a similar experience to me in some respects. It felt quite synchronistic that we met through running and that Rachel had a similar experience and appreciation for Martlets. We both feel a connection to the hospice and continuing to fundraise has been important to us.

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Donate now so we can keep on caring

We’re here for families like Tom’s. Will you be here for us? Make a make a donation today to ensure that patients like Penny can continue to benefit from life-changing hospice care. With your support we can keep on caring for families across Brighton and Hove and the surrounding area.

Let’s put the fun into fundraising

Thinking of fundraising for Martlets like Tom? Whether you’re an adrenaline junkie, a group of thrill-seeking friends or a family remembering your loved ones we have some action-packed events to tempt you. Challenge yourself and make new memories! It’s thanks to people like you that Martlets can keep on caring. Find out how to Take Part.