How dragonflies help David remember his dad 

It has been 10 years since Martlets cared for David’s dad, and David and his family continue to raise thousands of pounds for the Hospice. He tells us about the care his dad Gerard received, his ongoing fundraising efforts, and why dragonflies evoke special memories for his family.

 

David with a glass dragonfly ornament

Caring for Dad 

“Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2012 and although he had an operation it started to spread and metastasise. He was in a lot of pain and there was only so much the NHS could do, so it was suggested that hospice care at Martlets would make him more comfortable. All the staff from the cleaners, cooks and volunteers to the receptionist, the nurses and the doctors were so kind and supportive. My family was there every single day for several weeks, so we got to know faces and names.  

There was something about Martlets that always felt calming and comforting right from when we walked through the door. They did so much more than just managing the medical side of things and really listened to what Dad wanted and to us as a family. It was summertime and Dad’s room opened on to the gardens which made such a difference as he loved to get the sun on his face. I remember we all loved the jacket potatoes from the café and Mum would still go back there after Dad died to have one. It was a small thing, enjoying that comfort food, but it made a difference to our day when we came to visit. 

Dragonflies will always remind us of Dad 

We spent time in the Sanctuary at Martlets which was a peaceful space to rest and reflect. There was a book in there called Water bugs and dragonflies which helped us explain the process of dying to the younger children in our family. It was written for children on the theme of transformation, but I loved the symbolism. It had a spiritual tone to it without being religious. 

On the morning Dad passed away, something beautiful happened – there were dragonflies in my garden hovering around. I was sitting there trying to process everything and suddenly this dragonfly just appeared. I don’t have any water features in my garden and I know dragonflies are attracted to water, so it seemed odd that it would appear out of nowhere. Every time since then, around that time of year, dragonflies turn up again, which is probably coincidental but it’s a lovely way of remembering him. 

Mural of the graffiti dragonfly

We also commissioned a big mural recently of a dragonfly for the tenth anniversary of Dad’s passing – it’s about halfway up London Road in Brighton near Circus Parade. It was done by a local graffiti artist whose work we liked. I also came into Martlets with my mum and sister and we hung a beautiful stained-glass dragonfly outside in the gardens in memory of Dad. It was made by a staff member’s mum at Martlets. It was a beautiful way to mark the anniversary and to reflect on Dad’s life. Dad was an inpatient at the Hospice before the new renovations, so it was great to tour the new facilities and to physically see how fundraising can make a positive difference. All the new patient rooms open on to the gardens, there’s a family room, a new Sanctuary space and a new rehab gym and counselling rooms. The new facilities will help so many more families like ours who need expert care and support when times are tough. 

At Dad’s funeral, we wore dragonfly brooches and instead of flowers we asked for donations to Martlets. As a family, we’ve done a lot of fundraising since and raised more than £10k for the hospice and before he died Dad wrote a cheque to Martlets too as a thank you. 

David at the match

Fundraising with a punch  

Previously, I did a triathlon to raise money for Martlets, but to commemorate the tenth anniversary of Dad’s passing I decided to take part in a sponsored boxing match. Boxing was always something I was interested in and recently I started training and had my first couple of matches and got sponsored to raise money. I’m in an amateur league and it’s called White-Collar Boxing. I’m almost 40 now so I don’t think I’ll get deep into the sport, but it’s been great to do these matches and raise money for Martlets at the same time. 

There are so many ways you can fundraise for Martlets and they’ll help you find something you enjoy. For me it was running and then boxing, but it might be anything from a big sponsored trek to a marathon or even a cake stall – whatever you choose it’ll help them raise the essential funds they need to keep on caring for families like mine. Martlets needs to raise millions of pounds a year in community fundraising to keep going as the charity is only funded in part by the government. Please consider helping out as Martlets is for the local community and it might be you and your family that needs their support one day too.” 

 

How you can support Martlets

  • Make a donation. All donations, big or small, make such a huge difference. Donate today. 

 

Discover further stories about our life-changing hospice care:  

What mattered most to Gary and his family 

Gary was cared for at home by Martlets’ community team and then on our inpatient ward. His wife Silke shares what really mattered to Gary and their family during his final few weeks, and explains how Martlets helped them make the most of their precious time together.  

Richard’s story 

In this short film Jane shares what mattered most to her brother Richard and her family. She tells us about the breadth of care Richard received at Martlets and how he felt “privileged” to have access to hospice care. 

Virtual-reality headset enables Martlets patient to experience “lifelong goal” 

Thanks to the wonders of virtual reality (VR), Charlie – a patient on Martlets’ inpatient unit – has been on an African safari from the comfort of her ‘cuddle bed’. Despite virtual reality taking off in the worlds of entertainment and sport, its use in healthcare settings is still relatively uncommon. However, research shows that VR can improve patient wellbeing and help alleviate pain and anxiety. 

Published: 24/01/2025